I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize