did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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