That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize