either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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