tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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