So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
