its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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