I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
