If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
