6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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