Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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