i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
