I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
