you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize