Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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