i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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