I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
