i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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