woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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