It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize