I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize