Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
