Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
