awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
