So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize