is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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