If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
