good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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