i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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