I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
