Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
