If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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