Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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