my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
