i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
