My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
