is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
