after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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