I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
