By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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