You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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