Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize