put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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