wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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