I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
