vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
