I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
