Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
