His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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