I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
