I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
