Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
