i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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