i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
