O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
