i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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