How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
