So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
