She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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