why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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